Rosa

" Before is a dream, after is a joke, only during stays."

To me this quote is the definition of Rosa. She has let what happened to her in the camp define her, so much that she cant go back to life before the camp & she cant make a new life for helfself after. She has isolated herself. She is not taking care of herself , she doesnt leave her room and stella is for the most part her contact to the outside world. She intentially starves herself. She lives in poverty and this is all her doing. All of the things that she does and the way that she lives is a replecation of camp life. She is inflicting punishment on herself. I honestly cannot understand why Rosa chooses to do this to herself, but the camp has changed and broken her.

I think that if Madga had survived that Rosa wouldnt be acting this way . I think that she would have moved on with her life, but she blames her self SOOO much for Madgas death, that it has altered her life forever. She thinks that it is wrong for her to try and move on because Madga never had the chance to move on. Honestly i think that Rosa has lost it . I am very suprised that she hasnt tried to kill herself, but then again im sure that even if she had thought of it she wouldnt do it because of the fact that she would feel that was the easy way out , and Rosa feels like she needs to be punished for letting madga die. This is why 30 years later she still cant get over what happened to her.

I dont think that its so much the camp that Rosa cant get over. Its madgas death. I also think that maybe she replecates the camp life in her own life because that was the last time that she had madga, and she also does it as a form of punishment to herself. She still clings to the shawl and is awaiting Stella to send it to her b/c it has something to do with Madga. Its really not the experience of the camp that Rosa cannot get over, It was magdas death.

But then again,: how does a mother get over seeing her child murdered before her eyes ?

The shawl . Blog #1 w/e 4/30

Story #2 in the shawl was  more interesting in my opinion than story number one . The second story to me shows how a traumatic experience really can change your life forever . In this story we meet Rosa ...30 years later . She is hardly the Rosa we met in The first story . Rosa is 59 now & living In Florida .  Rosa lives in Florida which she calls a " hellish place " she associates the place and the sun with an executioner and a furnace.  Eventhough she thinks this of Florida she still chooses to live there because she is punishing herself for what happened to madga. While Stella has moved on , Rosa cannot get over what happened in the camp . In her letters she creates this life for madga . She is delusional. She blames herself for not saving madga . When Rosa was released from the camp , she owned a successful antique shop but she lost it one day & destroyed it because she didn't like the kind of ppl that shopped there & how they wanted the antiques for the wrong reason ."... whatever you explained to them , they didn't understand " .

The transformation of Precious

In the beginning of the book we meet Clarice Jones aka Precious. Precious is a 16 year old girl who is pregnant for the second time from being raped by her father. The first chapter Precious flashes back to the past alot. She is having a very hard time living in the present because she is so scarred from her past. She is forced to grow up way before her time & has the responsibility of taking care of not only her self but her mother. Precious's jumping back between the past/ present shows just how unsure and confused she is about her own life. She is often day dreaming. Because other people tell her she is stupid , Precious believes she is stupid, but really wants to be smart. She believes that because she is an overweight black girl , that is why she is treated the way that she is , and that if she were a blonde white girl that she wouldnt have gone through the things that she goes through. She feels invisible. She wants to get out of her mothers home, but she doesnt know how to survive on her own, or who to even go to for help because she is not used to people being willing to help

At the end of the book we meet a whole new Precious. She is not the girl that we knew in the beginning. She has changed. Precious has become as independent as she can be for a 16/17 year old girl . Her and Abdul are living in a halfway house, she is going to school & progressing & she is trying to be a good mother. Precious never felt loved in her life, but she has found a family in Ms. Rain & the each one, teach one girls. They have become her support system & they encourge her and make her feel loved. She wonders how these people can love her more than her own flesh and blood. Precious starts to become curious about love & sex. She isnt sure about how the two work together because she was sexually abused by people who were supposted to "love" her. Because Precious thinks that because of her weight and race she is abused, that incest group is great for her because it lets her see people of different races with the same problem, & she doesnt feel as bad anymore , or that it was her fault or something that she had control over. We also find out why she named herself Precious, she thought that if she named herself that , that her father would see her as Precious & stop raping her. Precious develops the courage to confront her mom about the abuse , which i think is a huge stepping stone & major progress on her behalf. She also finds out that she is HIV positive.

The end of the book leaves the answers to alot of questions uncertain. You do not know what is going to happen to Precious & her children. I think that its sad that a young girl who endured so much abuse & made so much progress had to end up HIV positive. Precious wants to find love, but honestly I dont think that she will ever be able to have a successful relationship with a man. I think that because of the abuse that she has endured at the hands of a man who was supposted to love her, Precious is scarred for life. I dont think she would be able to be physically intimate with a man , even if she really wanted to . Her being HIV positive also will make it harder for her to find somebody to love her. You hope for the best for her, but in reality Im not sure what would happen to Precious after the ending of the book. Maybe with ALOT of counseling Precious would be able to get over everything that has happened to her in the past, but it is good that she is focused on getting her life together, so that she can be a good mother to her children.

You also wonder how Precious will handle her children asking questions about their daddy when they get older. What would she say to them? How do you tell your children that you have the same father as them ?

Push

In class the other day our group talked about who failed precious . We came to the conclusion that everybody did . I think that everybody who knew what was going on & didn't do anything about , hoping that some one else would  failed her . I think the person who failed her the most was her mother .

I know a woman who was sexually abused as a child by her father. Her mother refused to believe her . It wasn't until years later, when her niece said that the same thing happened to her , that this mother admitted to knowing what was going on .

As a mother your first instinct should be to protect your child . How can you call your self a mother & allow incest & sexual abuse to your child ? Precious makes a reference early in the book about how the rape started when she was in the second grade , than she started putting on weight , than all the kids started making fun or her . Her mother ALLOWED this to happen to her.

When Precious had little Mongo , that should have been a sign to her mother . Like the woman I know , even if her mom didn't want to believe what was going on before , it should have been a wake up call to her then . It's sickening to know that her mother allowed this type of abuse to happen under her roof & that she lacks motherly instincts . Precious has more motherly instinct than her .

I think that because Precious's father was having sex with her it really screwed her mother up.  She probably felt that she couldn't satisfy him & it screwed up her mind & self esteem . She even starts to sexually abuse Precious .

Both of Precious's parents failed her . Your parents are supposed to protect you . Her father was a sicko who wanted her in a sexual way & her mother completely lacked the mothering instinct to protect & love her child .

Push

The first time I read push I was 15 years old. While ive always read above my reading level , I found that the book is very intense. The book is written in the writing style of a 1st grader, but from the live of a highschool girl. This book deals with rape, incest, abuse & a young girls struggle to do better. The main character of the book has two children by her father. Her mother resents and hates her & abuses her because she has children by her father. Her mother makes her feel like a low life because she was raped by her father. Her mom tries to put her down by calling her names. Her youngest child has some type of down syndrome because of the incest. The book can sometimes be hard to read because of the way that it is written . Words are horribilly mispelled, and the sentences have no type of structure, but as the story progresses so Precious's writing. its good that the story is written this way because it shows how uneducated and how far behind she is. Her home environment is entirely to blame for this. Her mother doesnt care about her enough to care how she is doing in school, & all her teachers know her family situation so they just pass her , so she can become the next teachers problem.

Fun Home 2 ( late blog )

This story has several strong themes throughout the book. The biggest theme without a doubt is sexuality. The book has a lot to do with her sexuality as well as her struggling with her sexuality. She figures out her sexuality through books. She reads interviews, dictionary definitions. These things help her to determine that she is a lesbian . Bechdel and her father were different because while she chose to be open about her sexuality and have a partner, her father had lots of affairs and wasnt open about it. He doesnt come out partly because he was scared. There was " fear in his eyes" whenever the conversation got to close to sexuality. Another theme in the book is death. There is a debate on whether her fathers death was a suicide or an accident. Her father also is the director of a funeral home. The book also talks about gender identity. Bechdel recalls wanting her brothers to call her Albert on one camping trip. Also bechdel looked at her father as a big sissy, while her father tried to make her more feminine. Her father displayed, feminine behaviors while she displayed mascuiline behaviors.

Fun home. ( late blog )

Fun home is structured around Bechdel's relationship with her father. In the beginning of the book Bechdel talks about her father obsessing about restoring their families home. This shows his emotional distance from his family. The distance also has alot to do with his homosexual tendencies. The book isnt presented in chronological order, but instead significant events are focused on , and looked at from different angles. Her father had a sexual relationship with a man while he was in the military , and he has had them with his high school students, as well as some of their close family friends. He dies when she is 19 years , in what she suspects is a suicide, but after her mother asks for a divorce her father steps out in front of a bread truck and is killed. Bechdel struggles with her own sexuality and shortly before her father is killed she comes out as a lesbian to her parents.

Reading Butterflies ( late blog )

1. I think that Alvarez feels compelled to tell this story because to me I feel like this book was an inspirational novel to young women ( despite the tragic ending ) . To me this novel shows how these 4 young woman and their families who probably felt as if they werent able to do much became such a huge part of a revolution that affected the lives of so many people. I think this story was written to inspire. I think that Alvarez's voice is in the book in the way that she depicts the characters. 2. I think by the end of the novel that not only has the revolution changed the girls, but they have also changed the revolution. By the end of the story I feel the girls have found their " inner power " . I dont think that they ever expected to become part of the Revolution. They sacraficed their families and their lives to make a difference. In the process of them all going through so much I think that it changed them into strong woman. For example Patria who thought that she was going to become a nun. She went from being 100% about her faith, to losing her faith, then gaining it again, to deciding that the best thing for her family to do was for them to join the revolution. It changed the course of her life. I think that the girls changed the revolution because if they hadnt then they wouldnt have been killed. 3. The epilogue is written in the first person unlike the rest of the book. I think that maybe Dede tells the story in previous chapters because it maybe all feels so distant to her. She is looking back on it, & recalling it , but not really feeling all of the emotions that she felt at that time . When it comes to remembering her sisters deaths , I think that it feels more relevant & real & painful to her. She is able to reconnect with herself and come to terms with the decisions that she has made. I also believe that through everything that she has been through she has found her "I". The revolution & loss of her family has changed her. She has grown. She has found the woman inside. 4. In my opinion the girls are killed as an example. Eventhough they are no longer directly involved with the revolution Trujilo has them killed because he knows what a big part they were and how revolutionaries probably looked up to them . 5. By the end of the novel, I have gotten used to Alvarez's writing style. Eventhough she foreshadows the death of the girls , I kept reading because I wanted to see how it all played out in the end. How the girls were killed. 6. I think that Alvarez does take us beyond the legend when she develops the characters. I think this might partly be why the story is told in the third person the entire book. I think that through Dede's description of the girls, Alvarez has her own vision of them in her head. She tries to bring that vision of what the girls were like to life in her book. I think that she acheives this , and you can see it in the Epilogue , I think the story is told through Alvarez's eyes & interpretations of what Dede has told her, and you can see in the Epilogue Dedes voice. 7. I think that this book was written to inspire . Alvarez is showing young woman everywhere that though you may feel like your voice is small, that you have the power to accomplish great things. The story didnt end well for the Mirabel sisters , but they had a voice, a very powerful one that changed their lives as well as the revolution. I think that Alvarez wrote this book to show young girls that they can make a difference.

Late Blogs

Patrias Timeline

• 1938 went to convent


• 1940 decides she wants to be a nun


• falls in love and gets married


• has 2 kids


• loses her faith as she becomes content being a wife and mother


• her third child is born still born


• regains her faith when she hears the virgin mary speak during a pilgrimage.


• Raul Ernesto is conceived


• she goes on a retreat with Padre De Jesus


• they change their name is ACC


• Patria voulenteers Pedrito, Nelson, Minerva, Manolo and Maria Teresa and Leandro.


• The 14th of June ammendment is founded in Patria & Pedritos home.


• Pedrito is taken and Patria suffers for months without him.


• She finds out that Pedrito was offered freedom if he divorced her but her refused.


• Captain Pena has taken over Pedrito and Patrias land.


• She goes to Captain Penas office to plead with him on behalf of her jailed family


• She makes a deal with god offering herself in exchange for nelsons release from Prison.

spring break 2011

Greetings from Jamaica. i just got back today from the best spring break of my life. no computer access in Jamica , but soooo worth the 12 beautiful days i spent there. i know i have blogs to catch up on. ill finish them after class today. .. sorry. :(

Patria (sunday 03/13)

When we had group discussions last week , my group was assigned to Patria.

Patria starts her chapter by saying " From the beginning ...." which is a biblical phrase. She also mentions something about a pearl of great price which we took to be significant of faith/god and the love for everything that lives. The story about her changing her sisters diaper with her own to me signifys her mothering nature.

My timeline of Patria starts in 1938 when she goes to the convent . Then it moves up hill to 1940 when she struggles with if she wants to be a nun or not. She is struggling with her sexuality and feels guilty about having sexual desires. The top of the hill is when she meets her husband. This is like the medium for her because it is the place right between her sexual desires and god. She meets him on holy thursday when she is watching his feet, and he is like jesus to her . Then it goes in a downward slope when she has two children and is becoming further and further from god. The valley of the hill I labeled as when she lost her 3rd child. This was the lowest of the low. Then the hill starts to go back up when she regains her faith , when the virgin mary speaks to her on her pilgrimage.



*sorry the blog is late, i live in schwartz hall and i was without internet until today . *

patria

Dear Rihanna

The other day in class when we were split up into groups my group decided that we wanted to discuss Dear Rihanna. Before the discussion I had skimmed the letter, but when I read it I was shocked. After I read it a second time and Analyzed it , I was disgusted. I was disgusted at the fact that so many young girls think that their boyfriend beating them is okay. They think that, that is what "love" is and its sad to me that they dont have someone wiser to tell them that love is not when a man puts his hands on you. There is this line in the letter where the girl basically says to Rihanna that she threw his keys, what did she think was gonna happen? Thats one line that stuck with me because to me this young girl was basically telling Rihanna that she asked for it. From the poem we could tell that this young lady thought that domestic violence was okay because of what was happening in her household. To me its heartbreaking to know that domestic violence is passed down from mother to daughter. I think Rihanna didnt even want to leave Chris and that is why she stayed with him even after he beat her. I think that she too was a victim of witnessing domestic violence as a child and she left because of the fact that is a role model to many young woman and if she stayed that all of these girls would think that it was okay for them as well. I think that all young woman need to be educated about domestic violence , and they need to be informed of what a safe , healthy relationship is.

i am an emotional creature part 2

i would have to say that i enjoyed the book i am an emotional creature. I actually liked it more than I liked The Vagina Monologues. The poem that I would have to say that I liked the Best was " Its not a baby ( its a maybe)." I dont know what it is but something about that poem really struck me its one of the only poems in the book that I remember. To me that poem really told the story of so many teen girls today. So many girls are affected by teen pregnancy and they all go through the stage where they are unsure if they want/ are ready to be mothers yet. I think Ensler did a good job with this poem

i am an emotional creature.

when we were having an inclass discussion about the Vagina Monologues vs. i am an emotional creature i found that everybodys opinion was relatable, but i think that we are all biased against this book because we read the vagina monologues first. i think if we had not read the vagina monologues first we wouldnt feel the way we do about emotional creature. I think the vagina monologues were meant for woman as a whole and for the females in the class we are all 20 somthings and we have already gone through the issues in i am an emotional creature, so we relate more to the vagina monologues which is why i think we are biased about emotional creature. we are past the point where we can relate to the book.

blogging. blah.

for my last english class we had to blog once a week. blogging its self i dont mind. but with 4 other classes and a fulltime job i am often forgetful. so while ive been saying for a week and a half now that i need to do my english blogs , i keep forgetting to do them . ( oops) well today i was FINALLY able to find my classes blog, thanks to one of my classmates following me, i was able to look on her page and find my english teachers blog . okay time to catch up i guess. .....

i am a woman...

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's sizeBut when I start to tell them,They think I'm telling lies.I say,It's in the reach of my armsThe span of my hips,The stride of my step,The curl of my lips.I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me.I walk into a roomJust as cool as you please,And to a man,The fellows stand orFall down on their knees.Then they swarm around me,A hive of honey bees.I say,It's the fire in my eyes,And the flash of my teeth,The swing in my waist,And the joy in my feet.I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me.Men themselves have wonderedWhat they see in me.They try so muchBut they can't touchMy inner mystery.When I try to show themThey say they still can't see.I say,It's in the arch of my back,The sun of my smile,The ride of my breasts,The grace of my style.I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me.Now you understandJust why my head's not bowed.I don't shout or jump aboutOr have to talk real loud.When you see me passingIt ought to make you proud.I say,It's in the click of my heels,The bend of my hair,the palm of my hand,The need of my care,'Cause I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me.

i chose to use the poem phenomenal woman by Maya Angelou because growing up this was one of the first poems that my grandmother used to read to me. I love this poem because its all about embracing being a woman. Its about all the things and qualities that makes a woman beautiful.

i totally forgot that i had a blog.

so. I started this blog like two years ago and made four posts before I abandoned it. Much to my suprise when I went to make a blog for my english 217 class, and my old blog popped up.l so instead of having to create a new one, i guess that i will use this one. enjoy the ride guys.